mlissrae’s blog

it's been a bit since i've blogged. i was on vaca for a week and it wasn't
my priority. and the week before that i just didn't feel like i had much to
share. not that i really have much to share now, but i have 23 minutes
until lunch and i don't feel like starting anything new!

vaca was fab. i got to see a lot of my favorite ppl, which is always
great. it was rough coming back to work, but that's the way it happens when
you're a working adult.

other than that, it's really warm in my apt, especially since i have no
central air and only a little window air conditioner in my bedroom! at
least it makes for good sleeping. i just run it at night. hopefully my
bills won't be too bad. it's supposed to be 90 degrees on saturday but i'll
be at mom and dad's this weekend for a wedding, so i can enjoy their central
air. woohoo.

i won tickets to see the mn lynx play tomorrow night. sister, k and m are
going with me. suite tickets. woohoo. i hope it's fun! i think it will
be. we're fun girls. next weekend is joe firstman. and sister called me
and asked if i wanted to go to see brandi carlisle at the state fair in
august, so we'll probably do that as well. super fun. i want to pack as
much fun into this summer as possible.

i went to the y last night for the first time in a month. i did only about
35 minutes of cardio, but it was good. i think i'm going to go tonight
again and do some more cardio and maybe some weights. if i go right after
work then maybe i can still do some laundry tonight. i need to do some bad
and since i'm leaving on thursday i won't have time! eek. the good news is
that the next two weekends i don't have to travel. thank god. i hate
traveling four weekends in a row! i am supposed to travel the first two
weekends in august as well...another ick...although one is for b's cabin and
that is always fun. i heart the cabin. especially going up early on friday
and having all day friday and all day saturday to sit and enjoy the beauty
of the northwoods. can't wait. the next weekend is my parent's porch
party...should be fun as well.
well, i think it's time for me to eat my lunch. hasta luego.

rip george carlin

m

it's friday! yay! i am so excited that it is the weekend. i'm headed back
to the home town for my gma's 80th b-day party. good times. i'll get to
see my nieces so that's awesome.

rent was phenomenal as always. i was a little dissapointed in the sound
quality, but it was still great. i cried several times, as always. i could
watch that musical every night. j, k and sister went with and they all
enjoyed it as well. or at least they said they did. i don't really care if
they did or didn't, because i loved it. when collins sings i'll cover you,
the reprise, i can't control the tears from falling down over my face. so
powerful and so meaningful and really, the emotions that are the love that
you hope you experience at some point during your life time. "i'd be happy
to die for a taste of what angel had...someone to live for...not afraid to
say i love you." so great. if you've never seen it, i strongly recommend.

okay, since i'm only at work until 11, i better get on the stick.

have a good weekend!

m

omg! tonight is rent! woohoo! i can not fricking wait!!! i haven't seen
it in years, so i'm pretty excited to have a chance to see it again. we're
going to get all dressed up, go to the st paul grill for dinner and then go
see the show. can not wait.

other than that, life is pretty boring. i went for a two mile walk last
night. i should have gone further, but i was so tired. imagine that. next
week i have to go to the y twice. i absolutely have to. no choice. i'm
paying for the y and not even using it. sucky. i just need to get back
into the swing of working out. i haven't been doing a very good job of it.

but it doesn't matter, because tonight is rent! we're not going to
pay....we're not going to pay....we're not going to pay...last years rent.
woohoo!!!!

i am, surprise surprise, tired. mainly because i slept the day away
yesterday and then couldn't sleep last night. whatev. it happens. and i
have to be here until at least 430 today, which sucks. if the meeting i
have could just be cancelled i would be so happy. it won't be though. i'll
probably be here until 5, which is ok because i'm taking off a half day on
friday. just that no one knows that yet. my boss most likely won't care,
so i'll just tell him tomorrow during our weekly 1 on 1. not like we ever
have anything else to talk about.

the weekend was good. friday night i did nothing. i slept and watched tv
and just hung out. it was nice. saturday i laid around, then went shopping
with j and her friend c. i got a cute dress at gap for a wedding i'm going
to in a few weeks. it's pink and super cute. i need a slip and a cardigan
now to go over it. i'll look for that next week. i want a black cardigan
and then get some black ballet flats to wear with it. i think it will look
cute. or maybe a pair of sassy black heels just so i'm taller. who knows.
we'll see what i find.

saturday pm i went out with j and c and the boys. it was fun. i was the
dd, but i still had a good time. they got a little out of control at the
end of the night, but it was still a good time. then we went back to j's
and i drank and got totally trashed on captain and diet coke. yummo. the
guy who was mixing them was mixing them awful strong. so yeah, we debated
politics, it was fun.

this week will hopefully go fast. i'm heading to the home town this weekend
for my gma's 80th birthday shindig. should be a good time. car pooling
with the sister, so that will be interesting. i have 20 bucks to give her
for gas and if she doesn't think that's enough, f her. better than the
nothing she would get if she drove solo.

thursday night is rent! woohoo! i can not wait, i love rent. it's my fave
musical ever. this is only the second time i'm getting to see it, so
hopefully it's even better live than i remember!!!

okay, back to work for this chica.

yay!  i have the internet.  whoooooohoooooo.

oh man do i not enjoy working w/ppl sometimes. there is a lady who i work
with, whom i've never met because most ppl i work with are scattered across
the country and the world for that matter. anyway, she doesn't read emails
and then she freaks out. then she sends me emails and copies my boss.
makes it look like it is my fault. i hate ppl like that. makes me want to
put my fist through my monitor.

on a potentially positive note, the cl guy emailed me back. i think he's a
little add, but i'm ok with that. i emailed him back and attached a
picture...so we'll see if fugly me scares him off. i don't need a bf, i
need someone to hang out with who isn't the ppl i know. what i really need
is a quality hook up. maybe what i need is to work out and lose the rest of
this weight so ppl don't judge by that and start to like me for me. ppl are
shallow, i know, i am too. it's unfortunate.

i just want to put my head down and cry for some reason. i am that tired.
but i have to go work out tonight. i haven't been to the y in weeks. i
need to work out!!

that was all really random and i apologize for that. not that anyone
probably reads this blog, but i still apologize to me at a later date when i
go back and reread my rants.

always

m

i have to go buy an air conditioner tonight. boo air conditioners. i also
have to move. work out. walk. something. i am thinking maybe just around
the lakes. i also need to clean. it's going to be a busy night and i'm
really tired, so that sucks.

i was a bit pissed last night. b called. to basically tell me that she's
going back to her bf that she dated for 8 ys and treats her like crap. ok,
whatever. fine. i was super tired and she was like, 'what's wrong. you
sound sad. blah blah blah.' so when i tell her i'm just super tired, she
doesn't believe me. because she's depressed a good portion of the time, i
have to be too? f that noise. i was pissed. so i was like, i have to do
laundry, check ya later and then she called back later that night! i did
not answer the phone. she didn't email me today. and if she calls tonight
i'm not answering. it's just not going to happen. i'm so sick of the fact
that because she is always depressed she thinks anyone who isn't doing cart
wheels is depressed too. i'm not depressed. i'm tired. i'm just always
tired. not depressed. pisses me off.

that was a rant.

i also need to buy a phone. i'm getting a land line. woohoo! i'm getting
it so i can work from home if i need to. i didn't ask my boss today, but
i'm going to ask him if i can work from home every once in a while to save
gas monies. either give me a raise or let me work from home one day a
week. that would save me driving 14 miles, or over a half a gallon of gas
every day. i know, it's not much, but you know what, i'm going to still go
for it. out of the umpteen million meetings i have each month, two are face
to face and i could totally call into them, so whatev. we'll see what he
says about it. hopefully it's a big fat yes.

so i did something today that i usually don't but i had to. i answered a cl
add. eek. probably won't go anywhere but i just had to. if i'm right,
this guy is my soul mate. we'll see if he gets back to me. eeeeekkkkkk.
hope he isn't a murderer!

okay, back to work. i should clean up some stuff on my desk before 330
hits.

m

and i did it again. i got horribly wasted...although this was worse because
at 11 o'clock at night i had to lock myself in a's bathroom (good thing she
has two) and puke my guts out. i am so embarrassed. i've decided no
drinking for a while. what the hell is wrong with me that i can't just
drink and have a good time. i have to get super wasted to the point where i
am puking? not cool.

the party was fun, what i remember, but i'm afraid i did something stupid.
i probably did. a hasn't emailed or texted me yet and i'm not contacting
her until she contacts me because then i don't have to deal. i'm so fucking
stupid. this week i'm not dealing with ppl. i'm just shutting myself up in
my apt, finally cleaning it and detoxing. i'm still just super tired. i
did nothing yesterday, went to bed at like 10 and didn't get up until after
630 and i'm still just burnt. it sucks so bad.

i just want to put my head down and sleep.

i might go home early today. i just don't feel well still and i just don't
want to deal with the world. maybe i am a little depressed. i probably
should go talk to someone...i probably could through the company EAP, but i
just don't know what to do. i don't think i am depressed because i'm just
not that person. i think i feel negative because i am so tired. who
knows. i do know i can't wait six weeks to go back to the dr. i can't
handle much more of this dragging around. i need some kind of diagnosis. i
need to know how to feel better.

i need to get some work done so i can leave early and go home and sleep.

i feel like poo. i actually feel worse than poo. i don't know what is
worse than poo, but that is how i feel. i went to hh last night. should of
been a good laid back time. instead i got insanely wasted. it was a great
time, but no need to get super wasted. then i made friends on the bus with
some ppl talking about obama. and then i slept on my bathroom floor and
puked and came into work two hours late because i was so hung over. this is
not usually my style. i think something is wrong with me. there is some
gene that i posses that makes me go out and get so wasted i can't stand it.
sleeping on the floor is not fun. plus i couldn't get comfy (go figure) so
i tossed and turned, so not good sleep. the good news is that i'm actually
kind of hungry now, and i might even be able to eat something for lunch.
i've had so far today two pieces of banana bread, four crackers and a
special k bar. it all stayed down. i looked at the lunch menu at work
(since i didn't pack a lunch) and nothing looks to appetizing. maybe i'll
do something like a sandwich.

but hh was really fun. i like a's friends and she always tells me they like
me. i confessed my mini crush on m to her, but played it off like he would
be a good hook up and nothing else and said that he is out of my league,
which he totally is, but like a good friend she disagreed.

tonight i'm doing nothing. i'm touching no alcohol. i'm laying on my couch
and maybe going to el loro for dinner. i'm craving some el loro tamales.
they are soooo great. with some chips and salsa and other yummy things.
some rice and some queso and maybe a chicken taco or burrito. oh man my
mouth is watering. i'm all about some el loro now. maybe sister will go
with me. otherwise i would almost just go and eat there by myself. there is
one in crystal...i could go there for lunch even. i'm sure she'll go with
me tonight though because she loves el lore way more than i do.

okay, back to work. i'm going to be uber productive today so i don't feel
so bad about coming in late.

it's friday eve. can't be to upset with that. this week hasn't gone all
that fast, but i'm hoping these last few days will. i'm in need of a
weekend, with some relaxation, some drinks and whatever else is available.
i need it. i need to feel like a young adult with no responsibilities.
that's the plan at least.

i had my doc appt yesterday. no real explanation of what my problems are,
but they did take about half of all the blood in my entire body to run labs,
so i'll be interested to see what the issue could possibly be. i do really
like my doc though. she is really nice. she said that it could be a lot of
different things, including mono, which i don't believe because i would have
lost a bunch of weight if it was mono. i have only lost like 4 lbs since
february when i was last there. not cool. but i believe that she will find
what is wrong and it will make me feel better and i will get back on the
weight loss train and it will be great. let's all cross our fingers for
me.

tonight is hh with a and friends. yay. i'm riding the bus there and back.
i've ridden the bus once before. i'm a bit nervous about riding the bus,
but i know it will be fine. i have my bus numbers written down for the
return trip as well as the trip down there. i'll be fine. i just get
nervous about new things. but i do love public transportation.

what else...i fell asleep on my couch last night at 6p, woke up at 1230a and
then went into my room and slept until this morning at 645a, 45 min past my
alarm. sucky...i was late for work, even though my hours aren't really set
and my boss doesn't really care. he's way trusting. good thing i'm way
honest and guilty when i do things wrong. on a positive note, i did walk
three miles before i crashed for the night. and had a really good cookie
which i ate on a park bench down by the lake. it was oatmeal but with
craisins instead of raisins. yummo! it was awesome. i ate another one for
breakfast.

i think for a's party i might make fruit salsa. i'm craving it and it's so
yummy. i think that is what i will do. make some fruit salsa and home made
chips.

okay, back to work. i wish it was friday but i guess thursday is ok too.